Wine service doesn't always pass the sniff test

I thought about bouncing a roll off the waiter's head to try to get his attention. Instead, I stood up and walked over to the maitre d' and begged for some wine.

The food had already been served and was cooling fast. The glasses of wine finally showed up like teenagers ducking in after curfew.

Service snafus that involve the food are commonplace. But a restaurant meal also can be marred when the wine service - from taking the order to opening and pouring - is mishandled.

So I thought I'd point to some of the wine faux pas I've encountered over the past year. The goal is not just to shame restaurants into paying more attention to this aspect of customer care, but also to give diners-out a little confidence, so they can spot glitches and feel less intimidated by the guy wielding the wine list.

Here's the bottle bungling run-down:

• I want good advice. But what I sometimes get is a tire-going-flat sigh from the server or sommelier.

This occurs when I indicate - as I often do - that I am looking for a gem among the least expensive wines on the list.

To argue my side of the issue, I turned to the fabulously finicky Edmund O. Lawler, author of "Lessons in Wine Service from Charlie Trotter" (Ten Speed Press, 2008, $24.95).

He writes that when it comes to penny pinchers, there should be "no attempt to upsell or dismiss them for their frugality."

The sommelier (or server in a less fancy place) should assure the parsimonious patron that "they will have a wonderful bottle of wine brought to their table that will pair brilliantly with their meal."

• Oops, we're out of that. Wine lists seem to have a knack for inaccuracy, with out-of-date vintages or sold-out bottles.

Also, there are pesky misspellings or omissions - the name of a key vineyard, for example - that can mislead customers.

I'm not the only one this bugs.

"The list must be faultlessly accurate. A misspelled name or word on the wine lists suggests that the management is inattentive to the small details," says Lawler.

No, it's not the waitperson who is keeper of the list, but he or she should stay on top of which wines are unavailable and be ready to suggest a comparable alternative.

Kudos go to any restaurant that posts a correct and current wine list on its Web site. This allows for advance perusal, a benefit for people hoping to avoid the anxiety of ordering wine on the fly.

• The server doesn't know how to use a corkscrew. Maybe because many wines are ordered by the glass, and the bartender usually opens the bottles behind the scenes, this unfortunate twist is more common than you might think.

The management can easily fix this problem, providing staff with just a moment's worth of training and practice. Here's a link to a video that does a nice job of demonstrating the basics, with some tips for people in the service industry: www.expertvillage.com/video/2092_wine-open.htm.

• The server knows how to do the tableside wine ceremony, but not why. Once the opening is accomplished, the ritual of showing the bottle label side up and allowing the customer to taste a small sample of the wine before giving the thumbs up is part of the usual routine.

The problem begins when the customer gives the thumbs down, usually because the wine has an off-putting, musty odor, a sign that it has been spoiled by a tainted corked. Estimates vary, but many put the taint level at about 5% of cork-closed wines.

Servers not familiar with "corked" bottles can make the customer feel awkward. On one occasion I got into an embarrassing argument - a group of us were having dinner in Chicago - with the server about the second bottle of wine I ordered.

"Yes, I know it's the same wine, but the second bottle is corked," said I meekly, my face turning the color of white Zinfandel.

As it turned out, I still had some wine in my first glass from the initial bottle. So I was able to offer a side by side whiff of the two wines. One smelled fine and the other like a mildewed basement.

• That red is too warm and this white is too cold. This is a common problem in restaurants.

Wine tastes best served at the proper temperature. That means whites at about 45 to 50 degrees, slightly warmer than refrigerator cold. And for most reds, ideal is somewhere around 60 to 65 degrees, slightly cooler than typical room temperature.

It's perfectly fine to say that you don't want the white wine to continue to sit in the ice bucket. And if the red tastes unappetizingly warm, then - never mind the astonished look on the waiter's face - ask for the bottle to be cooled down for a few minutes.

The goal is to keep all of us wine-drinking tip-givers happy and trepidation-free, right?

As Lawler writes, "Wine can be an uncomfortable subject" for some guests, and making those guests feel at ease is "the mark of a gracious host."

Tasting notes
Friends Red, Sonoma County Red Wine, 2006. About $10 a bottle.

If your friends are like mine, they are apt to resist a wine with a hokey label.

But never mind the name, this Sonoma County contender deserves serious consideration. Made by the Pedroncelli Winery, it's a pleasant, full-bodied red at a decent price.

What you will discover is a sturdy blend of Merlot, Syrah and Cabernet Franc that boasts more structure and personality than many similarly priced bottles. It's aged in French and American oak, which gives it some notes of vanilla and toast.

Try it with steak, hamburgers or a rotisserie chicken.

Anne Schamberg is a freelance writer who lives in Waukesha. E-mail her at aschamberg@aol.com.