Rachel Maddow: Loud bars, cold beers and the Chinese connection

"LOUD BAR, good band, cold beer, ride home."

No that's not Lindsay Lohan's life motto. It is actually MSNBC's Rachel Maddow in Vanity Fair magazine. Ms. Maddow was responding to the Proust Questionnaire query, "What is your idea of perfect happiness?"

Maddow also reveals her heroes are "public servants. And people who can repair things." She feels her most marked characteristic is "My gawkiness" and that "Discretion and good cheer" are what she values most in her friends.

Asked if she were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be, Maddow replies: "Statistically, it's likeliest I'd be a Chinese peasant. And so would you."

Aside from her other admirable qualities, displayed nightly, I like Rachel's realism. And she'd probably be good company for the rest of us while we, too, toiled in China's rice paddies.

SPEAKING OF Lindsay -- come on, you didn't really think I'd let "Saturday Night Live" pass un-noted, did you?

It came off pretty much as I expected. She was clearly nervous and depending on cue cards a lot. But then, I noticed other cast members doing the same. Her intro, which addressed some of her public issues, and a pre-taped skit about "The Real Housewives" of Disney, were Lohan's best bits. Nobody was especially funny, and none of the writing sizzled. She was up to the material, which isn't saying much these days for "SNL."

Unfortunately, her physical appearance is beyond distracting. The unflattering super-blonde hair and the plumped-up lips don't do her any favors. Even people who don't care for Lindsay are amazed that she has ruined -- at least temporarily -- her once striking looks. Well, I suppose just as there never seemed to be anyone around to tell her to stop partying and getting into trouble, there's nobody in her entourage willing to say, "Ghastly look, honey. Go back to auburn and leave the lips alone!"

Anyway, she did "SNL," and if it wasn't a triumph, it wasn't a train wreck, either.

GOOD GRIEF! Get ready for a new influx of Dr. Seuss movies after the phenomenal opening of "The Lorax." This environmentally-themed animated film, which stars Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, Danny DeVito and the ubiquitous Betty White, pulled in $70 million in just two days. Universal Studio is insane with glee -- nobody expected this. I bet everybody's already on board for a sequel.

There was some complaining about "The Lorax" from some conservatives who don't believe the environment is endangered.

FANS OF TV's wacky, fast-moving soap opera "The Bold and the Beautiful" will be happy to know the legend herself, Phyllis Diller, is returning Wednesday and Thursday, to reprise her role as "Gladys Pope." (She played this part off and on for a decade.) They say Miss Diller will help provide a "monumental moment" on "B&B." But the show actually provides a monumental moment every day, because it runs only 30 minutes. They pack in a lot!

SEVEN ADVERTISERS have abandoned Rush Limbaugh's radio program, in the wake of his referring to a law school student as a "slut" and a "prostitute." The young woman, Sandra Fluke, had testified in support of the Obama administration's belief that health insurance companies should provide coverage for contraception for women. Rush has apologized. But as Ron Paul pointed out, does anybody really believe it? His foes once again predict his downfall. But I don't see that. After 20 years of similar outrageous comments, this episode won't end any differently than the others.

It will fade. Mr. Limbaugh will go on, fomenting his particular brand of conservative "conversation." Rush is considered too vital a voice, especially now, with the general election approaching, to be silenced or even muffled.

ANOTHER CONTROVERSEY erupted at CNN over Piers Morgan's interview with onetime TV teen heartthrob, Kirk Cameron. Mr. Cameron turned his back on Hollywood years ago, found Jesus, and spends lots of time proselytizing about wickedness and the End Times. (He stars in self-produced movies based on the "Left Behind" books about The Rapture. They have been extremely successful among his evangelical flock.)

Kirk has also been quite vocal about his feelings about homosexuals -- they are unnatural, evil, and certainly will cause civilization to crumble. Cameron's comments to Piers on the matters of gays caused GLAAD to condemn him. I suppose the organization felt they had to say something. But unlike Mr. Limbaugh, Kirk Cameron will suffer no possible loss of revenue from being branded a bigot. He will go on making his "Left Behind" films, and I doubt he's been to a Hollywood event in more than 10 years.

I was amused by his defense of heterosexual marriage: "It was defined in the garden between Adam and Eve. One man, one woman for life till death do you part." I'm afraid not. While there are some (not many) biblical references to marriage, none of them stipulate one man, one woman and till death, etc. In fact, many of the Bible's holiest men had multiple wives.

But Kirk Cameron doesn't need to know his Bible. He has his opinions.

Piers Morgan said Mr. Cameron was "brave" to make his comments. Hardly. He's said as much before, and won't lose a penny. Real bravery is opening your mind and heart.

But, Kirk has an all-American right to keep it closed.