Choose Your Own Foodventure(3)

13. Interesting. Searching for "gross" pops up a recipe for pesto-cheddar scones, from someone in Grosse Point, Mich. By the time you finish pondering that, you hear the call to gather in the conference room. The boss has arrived, and the meeting has begun.

If you go to the meeting, go to No. 12.

If you need to find something to nibble on during the meeting first, go to No. 7.

14. As you approach the plant, the monkey "toy" scampers even higher up and makes threatening screeching noises. Wow. It's a real monkey, right here in a mall restaurant. Before you have time to think that over, you hear a dull thud and collapse to the floor. The angry monkey has launched a coconut at your head. Go to No. 15.

15. You have been hospitalized with one or more of the following: severe internal bleeding, third-degree burns, poisoning, or a fractured skull. Try again, if you dare. The End.

16. Faced with the ignominy of toiling in the storage room of a storage room, you are shamed into never leaving your home again. Try again. The End.

17. You are in jail, and no one's going to post bail. Try again. The End.

18. Congratulations! You not only saved the company and became a multimillionaire, you were also made the subject of an in-depth feature on Epicurious.com, which is even better, right? The End.

19. "Why don't we just inject our fans with saturated fats?" she spits. "You obviously haven't been reading the news, which is odd, considering that your job is to read all the news about me. Come into my office." Go to No. 16.

20. As you make your way through the restaurant, you hear a loud man with a New York accent yelling at his girlfriend, making generous use of the F-word. You breathe a sigh of relief not to be involved when an iron grip envelops your arm and holds you fast.

"We don't use that kind of language around these parts," an authoritative voice says.

It's a cop, and he apparently thinks you were the one dropping the F-bomb! Go to No. 17.

21. Hey, look. If some crazy man wants to roll around on the floor of a chain restaurant and scare the bejeezus out of everybody, that's his business. But it does give you an idea to propose at that morning meeting ....

Anyway, once you make it past the guy doing the Curly impression, you realize you really don't have time for a break, after all. But just as you're about to turn around, you notice a bizarre monkey toy you never noticed before lingering at the top of one of the restaurant's tall potted plants.

No time to monkey around (ha ha), it's back to work you go. Go to No. 12.

Monkeys + you = a good time. Go to No. 14.

22. "I love it!" she shouts. "Let's do it right away!"

Unfortunately, your eagerness for experimental cocktails isn't matched by your grasp of combustion safety. Go to No. 15.